so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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