My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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