I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
