Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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