i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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