im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
