I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I want a musical about memes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
