i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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