I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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