hotel room ftw
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
