So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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