I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
