i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
