So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
