Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
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I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
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can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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