she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
