i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She even gives head with a lisp.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
