He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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