one might say we're banned from that church
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
