I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
