Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
