I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
