What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
