there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
