Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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