If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
