my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
