I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize