I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
