..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
