his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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