if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
