Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
