I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
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he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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