Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
