Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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