96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
