dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
