The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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