we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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