What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize