How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
