You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dignity is for republicans.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
