chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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