How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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