why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
