i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
