I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
