I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
