Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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