dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
