Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
