I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
