I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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