do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize