I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
