i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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