Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
