This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
