And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
