I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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