she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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