I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
