bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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