somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
